Shit happens - no doubt about that. But why? And how to live with it? This is what they will tell you:

Christian churches: Catholicism, Lutheranism, Calvinism, Protestantism, Anglicanism, Orthodoxism Other christian congregations: Mormonism, Baptism, 7th Day Adventism, Jehovah's Witnesses Other monotheistic religions: Judaism, Islam (moderate), Islam (fundamentalistic) Eastern religions: Confucianism, Taoism, Buddhism, Hinduism, Shintoism, Tantrism Greek philosophies: Stoicism, Hedonism, Cynism Anti-religious philosophies: Atheism, Agnosticism, Nihilism, Satanism (organized), Satanism (individualistic) Animistic religions: Pantheism, Polytheism, Shamanism, Mysticism, Voodoo, Wicca, Paganism New Age religions: New Age, New Age (Hardcore), Hippie, Preastronauticism, Atlantism Professional brain washing: Hare Krishna, Scientology, Davidianism (and the like) Social ideologies: Capitalism, McDonald-Disneyism, Communism, Fascism Liberation ideologies: Black Muslimism, Feminism Modern pseudo-religions: World conspiracy paranoia, Rock'n'Roll, Galactic Hitchhikerism Sciences: Psycho Analysis, Nuclear Physics Luzifer's answer

Catholicism	If shit happens, you deserved it. You were born shit, you are shit, and you will die shit.
Lutheranism	Shit happens, but as long as you're sorry, it's okay.
Calvinism	Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
Protestantism	If shit happens, it happens to someone else. If shit happens, praise the lord for it!
Anglicanism	It's true, shit does happen - but only to Lutherans.
Orthodoxism	St. Sergius found his faith in deep shit.
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Mormonism	Excrement happens (you can't say shit in Utah) If excrement happens, shun it. Our excrement is better than your excrement. Pay us 10% and we will tell you how excrement happens.
Baptism	You are shitting all wrong, and you'll be punished for it. We'll wash the shit right off you.
7th Day Adventism	Shit happens on Saturdays.
Jehovah's Witnesses	Knock Knock "Do you know that Shit Happens?" No shit happens until Armaggedon. There is only a limited amount of good shit. Here, we insist you take our shit. Shit happens door to door. Let us in and we will tell you why shit happens.
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Judaism	Why does shit always happen to us? Why does shit always happen just before closing the deal?
Islam (moderate)	If this shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Islam (fundamentalistic)	Don't take any shit - take hostages!
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Confucianism	Confucious say, "Shit happens". Confucious says, "If shit has to happen, let it happen properly."
Taoism	Shit happens, so flow with it. If you understand shit, it isn't shit.
Buddhism	If shit happens, it isn't really shit. If shit happens, it isn't really happening to anyone. Shit will happen again to you next time.
Hinduism	I've seen this shit before. This shit is not a religion, it is the way of life. This shit happening is you.
Shintoism	You inherit the shit of your ancestors.
Tantrism	Say "Shit Happens". Say "Shit Happens". Say "Shit Happens". Fuck this shit.
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Stoicism	Never mind. I won't touch this shit.
Hedonism	Shit is fun. Enjoy it!
Cynism	We all are full of shit. Live in the shit!
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Atheism	I don't believe this shit. It looks and smells like shit, so I'll be damned if I'm going to taste it. Shit doesn't happen. Shit is dead.
Agnosticism	It looks and smells like shit, but I haven't tasted it, so I'm not sure whether its shit or not. How can we know if shit happens? You can't prove any of this shit.
Nihilism	Shit! It happened again.
Satanism (organized)	We hope bad shit happens to all of you. We will make your shit happen.
Satanism (individualistic)	Mind your own shit!
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Pantheism	The universe is full of shit. Wonderful shit!
Polytheism	Holy shit, there are lots of THEM! Shit happens when THEY shit on one another.
Shamanism	Whoaa ... Holy Shit!
Mysticism	This is really weird shit.
Voodoo	Shit doesn't just happen - somebody dumped it on you. Let's stick some pins in this shit! This shit's gonna get you.
Wicca	Shit happens to be male. The great mother shits nicer.
Paganism	Shit happens. Let's celebrate it. We don't talk shit, we live it.
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New Age	It isn't shit if I really believe it's chocolate. I create my own shit. If shit happens, honor it and share it. We are all part of the same shit. For $300, we can help you get in touch with your inner shit.
New Age (Hardcore)	Shit happens because we forgot. Shit will end in 2011 when we all will be teleported into the 12th dimension of shit.
Hippie	Yeah, shit happens, but feel the vibes about it. Never shit twice in the same place.
Preastronauticism	THEY built the shit. Every shit in the world.
Atlantism	THEY shit before us. THEY shit better than us. THEY shit too much so it all came to an end. If shit happens to you it's only because you remember.
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Hare Krishna	Shit Happens, Rama Rama Ding Ding. She-it happens, She-it happens, happens, happens, she-it, she-it ... (Repeat until you become one with she-it) Please this flower and buy our shit.
Scientology	All this happens to be shit. Let shit happen to everyone else. For $30.000 more we will show you really how much shit it is. If you leave us, really bad shit will happen to you.
Davidianism (and the like)	You all are shit, but I am the biggest heap of shit you'll ever see. Let them eat shit. (POW, POW, RA-TA-TA-TA- ...)
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Capitalism	Shit happens, shit sells. You don't know but you need that shit. Buy that shit!
McDonald-Disneyism	Shit doesn't happen. Never. This is a decent neighbourhood. Eat shit!
Communism	Shit happens because the big guys shit on the small guys. Shit on everything that creates shit! Let's share the shit. We don't know where all the shit went.
Fascism	Shit wouldn't happen if those foreigners wouldn't shit on our turf. Removing shit keeps shit from happening. Let's work together and pile up a real big heap of shit.
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Black Muslimism	My shit from now on is called Muhammad. Brothers shit together. Let's show them motherfuckers what shit reeeeeally means.
Feminism	Shit is male. We won't take any shit anymore.
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World conspiracy paranoia	THEY shit on us. Dig deep into the shit to find out. When someone finds out, shit happens to him.
Rock'n'Roll	It's one for the money, two for the shit three, why don't you go for it?
Galactic Hitchhikerism	43, baby. And don't panic! (More about this)
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Psycho Analysis	Shit happened to you. Tell me about your shit. That will be $3.000.
Nuclear Physics	Let us cut shit into ever smaller pieces to see if it is made of shit. Let us accelerate shit to see if it turns into energy. Sorry, we don't know shit.
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Luzifer's answer	This shit is good for me. We all are shit, but if we all shit enough, we will grow out of the habit.
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